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10 Tips for Dealing with Defiance

April 24, 2015

Around age two or three, kids learn the word “No,” and use it like a magic sword.

Here are 10 essential steps to dealing with a defiant child:

  1. Conduct an ABC Analysis. Your child is defiant for a reason. He is either getting something (a privilege, an item) or avoiding something (doing a chore, participating in an activity). Think about your child’s behavior and write down the Antecedent (what happens just before), the Behavior (his actions), and the Consequences (what does your child receive, or avoid, that might make him continue the behavior). Once you understand the pattern, you can work to change it.
  2. Consider Brain Chemistry. Children who struggle with defiant behavior may be easily overwhelmed by emotions. Especially during transitions or situations that aren’t clearly explained, your child may have many questions (Is Mom coming back? How long will this take?) and refuse to cooperate simply because they’re overwhelmed and don’t know what else to do.
  3. Follow Through. If your child says “No” after you give a direction, and you either give up or do the task for him, you’re teaching him that he doesn’t have to do what you ask and, over time, he may become more and more defiant.
  4. Offer Choice. You’ve asked , bargained, and demanded, but your child still won’t follow directions. Present two options that are acceptable to you (“You can wear the blue shirt or the red one,” “We can go the grocery store first, or the dry cleaners”). “Choices give kids power,” “they feel as if they have a say in what’s happening to them.” You can also offer collaboration. When you offer help, the child learns that they have to do what you ask, and that they can look to others for help if they need it.
  5. Use Questions, Not Commands. Instead of a command (“Clean your room”), try a question (“What do you need to do to clean up the room?”). That way, rather than defying an order, your child can show off what they know. If you need to, use a reward to encourage your child to complete a task. For example, “I’ll get the ice cream ready while you figure out what to do with the clothes on the floor.”
  6. Explain Why. As you ask your child to do something, explain why, so he understands the bigger picture and doesn’t feel like you’re asking just because you’re in charge. For example, “Please hold my hand while we cross the street so we can be safe.”
  7. Recognize the Process. When you’re trying to get your child to do a multi-step task, like cleaning their room, the job might seem overwhelming to him. Give one direction at a time, and praise your child for accomplishing each part, so he feels motivated to keep working.
  8. Take a Break. If your child throws a tantrum, wait to talk to her until she’s calmed down. Take a break, then talk about what happened using open-ended questions: What were you thinking when this happened? When did you start to get angry? Avoid “Why” questions, as those can seem accusatory. After you’ve talked, if she still hasn’t complied with your request, come up with a plan to address the task you’d asked her to do.
  9. Change Your Style. Your parenting style can also impact your child’s resistance. Parents who are authoritarian or permissive may find that their children are defiant to even the simplest directions. But, change your approach and your child’s response will likely change as well.
  10. Know When to Seek Help. If you’re spending more and more time each day dealing with defiance, it’s time to seek help. A counselor can help you understand your child’s behavior and figure out if his defiance is part of an underlying problem.

10 Ways to Deal with Lying in Young Children

April 23, 2015

Lying is extremely common among children around preschool-age, and that’s due to some interesting reasons. Check out these tips on dealing with a young child who has some trouble telling the truth, and you’ll learn a few interesting psychological tidbits as well.

Be Clear

Your child may not know the difference between lying and make-believe, so it’s your job to help her understand. It will likely take repeated efforts over several months. Be specific and brief. Say, “A lie is when you say something happened when it didn’t really happen. I need to you tell the truth, which is telling me about what really happened.”

Eliminate Causes of Lying

Avoid situations that may cause your child to lie. For example, if your child tends to break fragile objects and lie about what happened, keep such objects out of her reach. Young children often lie because they feel bad about what they have done, and they think that if they lie, they can make it so the event did not actually occur. Psychologists call this “magical thinking.”

Don’t Accuse

Be tactful when your child has done something wrong—guide her toward truth, not lies. For example, don’t ask, “Did you take your sister’s bunny?” Instead, say, “I wonder where your sister’s bunny went. Can you help me find it and make her feel better?” Young kids’ thinking is very simple, and they’re often concerned only with avoiding getting in trouble, not the concept of morality.

Focus on the Positive

While your child tells a story, point out the parts that are true, and gently note which parts are made up. Some children are very creative, and they just need help learning how to express their imagination in a way that’s not misleading to others. Ask for the truth, but encourage her to pretend when she plays with toys or draws a picture.

Reward Honesty

Some kids think the best way to get attention is to lie, so look for situations when your child is being honest and give attention for that behavior instead. Think of telling the truth as something that takes effort, similar to behaving in school, showing good table manners, or cleaning up at home, and praise your child accordingly.

Use Punishment Wisely

Correcting and teaching your child are far more effective than punishment. But if you feel that there must be consequences in order to stop her lies, use consequences that relate to what she lied about. For example, if your kid says she didn’t eat the cookies even as there’s chocolate on her lips, keep cookies and other sweets out of the house for a week or two.

Talk About the Value of Truth

When you talk about lying with your child, make sure you are teaching her why honesty is so important. Talk about why people need to have correct information to make informed and fair decisions, and why it is important for people to trust one another.

Find Books About Lying

Check your library for stories about lying and its consequences. Read these stories with your child and talk about what happened to the characters. See if your child can identify lying as you go through the book.

Allow Some Leeway

Kids are going to make mistakes. Preschool-age kids have bad memories and may not remember the details of an occurrence, and they subconsciously fill them in with lies. Let your child know that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as she admits them and tries to fix them.

Practice What You Preach

Be aware of your own tendency to lie, even when your lies are meant to spare the feelings of others. Young children can’t tell the difference between a selfish lie and a lie that’s meant to protect someone. Your kid looks to you as a role model and will copy your behavior, though not necessarily with the same intention.

Lying is yet another issue that makes parenting as complex as it is. Be patient while your young child goes through this common phase, and do your best to work with her to correct it.

My Friend and I

April 21, 2015

”Vijaylakshmi,” called out the teacher of Class VI B, nodding at the girl seated in the middle of the room, “please come here.”

The girl in the candy-striped uniform rose, black eyes flickering nervously. Her thick, frizzy hair was pulled tightly back into a long, heavy plait but wisps of hair had escaped and framed her face in a halo of tiny curls.

She came up to the teacher’s desk and stood fidgeting with her uniform. “Yes Madam,” she said timidly.

”Vijaylakshmi,” said the teacher, opening a magazine, “I read your essay in the children’s page. I liked it. It’s very good. You seem to like writing.”

The girl nodded shyly, twisting the handkerchief in her hands.

”Your essay is titled ‘My Friend and I’. I think you should read it aloud to the class.”

The girl blushed. “Do I have to, Madam?”

”You don’t have to, but I would like you to.”

The girl looked at the teacher uncertainly and said, “Yes, Madam,” and took the magazine from her teacher’s hand.

”My Friend and I,” she read. “Both my friend and I are from the South. She is from Vellore and I am from Madras. Everyone here calls us Blackie. My friend doesn’t mind, but I do. My friend says, “So what if they call us Blackie. Let them doesn’t bother me. Don’t you know: Black is Beautiful!’ When I took at her large sparkling eyes, her straight black hair falling softly on her shoulders, I feel, yes, she is beautiful. But not me, not with my awful frizzy hair.

”I tell her, ‘Black is beautiful is just a slogan.’ ‘Okay, Agreed.’ She laughs. ‘But how do you like this: Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?’ I like it! It almost sounds like a poem. I wonder where she reads all this. I’ve never come across such beautiful words in the books I have read.

”My friend says, one has to be bold. She is, but I’m not. She can walk over to a group of children and say, “Hi, I’m Indira and this is Vijaylakshmi. Everyone calls us “blackie”. You can call us “blackie” too, if you like, otherwise Indi and Viji will be fine.’

”I wish I could do that but I can’t. I’ve tried but I can’t bring myself to say the first ‘Hello’.

”With her I can do many things. I run and win races. I cook and make tasty snacks. I jump into the deep end of the pool. I climb the tallest tree. But when I stand in front of it the next day, alone, it looks dangerously high. I wonder how I ever managed to climb it.

”My frind says, “That’s what friendship is about. Doing things together. That’s what friendship does to you, it gives you strength to be what you want, and a little more too.’

”I wonder what our friendship means to her. Whether she feels about me as I feel about her. That’s something I have never asked her and I think I never will.”

The girl closed the magazine and gave it back to her teacher, who said, “These are beautiful lines on friendship, Vijaylakshmi. I am glad you have such a good friend. Do we know her? Is she in our class?”

The girl dropped her head and shook it slightly.

”In our school maybe?”

The girl didn’t answer.

”Does She live in your colony?”

The girl stared down at her black shoes silently.

Then raising her eyes, Vijaylakshmi said bravely, “No, she doesn’t stay in my colony. I do not have a friend.”

A hush fell over the classroom. No one moved. Forty pairs of eyes looked at the girl standing near the teacher’s desk, head bent.

Out of the uncomfortable silence rang a cheerful voice, “Yes, you have.”

A girl rose and walked down the aisle to the teacher’s desk. It was Nimmi Khanna, the most popular girl of the class. She held out her hand and said warmly, “Yes you have, Viji! – me!”

Acts of life to be played by students to make best of nation

April 17, 2015

Students as technocrats:

Today’s world is the world of technology. Technology is the most important thing which every nation should possess. So in order to make India a developed country, students opt technical fields. They can be engineers and can invent new software, they invent new things, new technology etc. so as to make India a developed country.

Students acts as Human Resource :

A nation for its existence basically needs food, cloth and shelter. Recently we have come to know that there is something left behind which is to be considered i.e. human resources. Every student must become a human resource to strengthen society and nation. Let us see the north-eastern countries which had turned into human resource countries.

Students acts as an Invigilators of society :

Student must invigilate his environment. He must be active in every field. He should participate in politics also. According to Plato, “Education should be given up to 25 years at the elementary level and up to 35 years at the higher level. This is to cure mental malady by mental medicine.”If a student does not participate in every field, it will be turned into a river which has no flow. It will be house for algae, frogs and formidable insects.

The trend of Indian politics has turned into house politics. A student must realize his onus to safeguard the nation. Ancient Greek model is an excellent model. Every young person must join the army. He has to do his service until 35 years. Then, he becomes a politician afterwards. When he retires, he becomes clergy. This is direct democracy. Student must know the possibilities and have influence on them.

Students acts as Man of erudition :

A student should get erudition through discipline. He should be helpful to the nation. He is one who can learn, challenge and achieve. A student must be a man of action rather than a dreamer. A student is young soldier who safeguards his nation. When he gets erudition, then only he can challenge ordeals. That is why IAS, IPS examinations are based on erudition.

Students acts as selfless person :

Our nation became corrupted because of selfishness. There is no justice without graft. This should be revoked. For every innovation, real person behind it should be honored. A student must be selfless and teach and lead other students. This forms a group which can lead to a better society which gives best nation.

Students acts as a Bridge between present and past :

Student must be a bridge between present generation and past generation. He must take suggestions from pre-generation and guide the post generation. This will help to secure the knowledge and growth of nation.

Students acts as social servants :

Students can teach illiterate people in villages. They can make illiterate people aware about their fundamental rights, their social and political duties, their legal rights etc. They can even join some social service organization in order to provide help and guidance to the suffering humanity.

The students possess immense youth power. In the absence of positive and constructive leadership they are led astray. The government should provide them with healthy and constructive leadership. In this manner they can be associated in bringing about social, economic, political moral reforms in India. They can play an important role in the progress of our nation.


April 16, 2015

group of college students studying in classroom

Students play a very important role in the society. As it is said that students are the future of a nation. Students are the pillars of a strong nation Students of today are the citizens of tomorrow students life is the most impressionable period of life and during this period, the foundations of life are Laid, so they should develop the qualities of head and heart which may stand them in good way to future.

In India, education signified knowledge of the self. Education meant character building and drawing out the best in each individual. Education and learning has always been everything to do with life and living. Education enabled the student to realize within himself the strength and freedom to take control of his life without fear. The aim of such education was to bring out the best abilities in every individual, family, community and the society, in offer for the service of the land and the people.

It is very difficult to get back the students life. So at this stage of life students should take part in social activities. Students should have the feelings of patriotism. They should think not only about their own future but also for the future of their nation.

We must keep in mind that in today’s developing and fast-paced world due to advancement in the field of information and technology, the students should be given due importance and treated with respect and give them space for self-improvement so they will display a strong sense of responsibility. On being recognized as respectable individual, they will display a readiness to work for change in an existing system.

For all round development of a student, it is essential that ways for partaking in extracurricular activities be available. It is in this view that extracurricular activities conducted regularly to enable students to discover and hone their skills in fields that are not academic in nature. Technical activities are also held on a regular basis to promote excellence in technical skills among the student body. These activities are completely organized by the student community.

Education is an integrated enterprise. Unfortunately the society at large as well as the government looks at it in a segmented way _ Elementary education, secondary education, Higher education, general education, technical education, vocational education etc.

The students of today are the citizens of tomorrow. Let them feel their responsibility towards the society and the nation, so that they can become good citizens later on. There are many ways in which the students can best serve their country. First of all, the students should imbibe the spirit of discipline, because without discipline no nation can rise in the world today. It is due to discipline alone that countries like Japan, Germany, Russia and China are today powerful nations.

The Role of Student in Development of Nation:

Students are vital organs of nation. They are future citizens, who can become “Nation’s most needed” categories i.e. producers, protectors, philosophers etc. Producers produce the needed items which may be related to food, electronic, engineering arenas etc. Protectors protect the nation. Philosophers guide the nation.

Practice Reading with a Rainbow Puzzle!

April 13, 2015

What You Need:

Construction paper
Markers in assorted colors

What You Do:

1.Write the sight word on a piece of paper. A typical kindergarten sight word list may include words such as: I, see, am, the, me, my, like, go, have, do, but, no, said, on, make, you, a, it, is, play, we, can. Make the letters about 2″ high and 1″ apart.
2.Outline the letters in one or two different colors so each letter has a rainbow effect. Use bright colors like red and yellow, blue and purple, or green and orange!
3.Cut out each letter in a fun zigzag or jigsaw format.
4.Put the finished puzzle into an envelope. Write the word on the outside of the envelope to store the puzzle and so your child can use it as a visual aide as she’s solving it.
5.Hand your child the envelope and dump the letters onto the floor or table. Mix up the pieces, and then challenge her to put the puzzle back together! Recognizing the letters and stringing them together is an important step for your emerging reader, and this colorful puzzle is a fun way to practice!

Plant Your Name with Seeds

April 10, 2015

What You Need:

1.Aluminum baking or roasting tray, preferably at least 3” deep by 14” long
2.Sand (a bit from the sandbox will work just great)
3.Potting soil
4.Packet of fast-growing seeds (we prefer early red globe radishes)

What You Do:

1.Have your young reader help you spoon about 3/4” of sand into a layer on the bottom of your aluminum baking tray. (This will be a water drainage layer).
2.Cover the sand with an additional 2” or so of potting soil.
3.Now have some writing fun: with a finger or a stick, have your child trace her name in large, block letters. (If she has a really long name, consider a shorter nickname, or even better, her initials!)
4.In the “trench” made by this letter tracing, plant your radish seeds approximately 1” apart. Cover them with soil, sprinkle with water, and place in a sunny window.
5.Keep your soil damp, and watch the soil for the next few days. Within a week, you should see baby seedlings and beautiful letters, too!

Make an ABC Nature Book

April 9, 2015

What You Need:

  • 2-3 large zip-top plastic bags
  • Glass jar
  • Aluminum foil
  • Safety scissors
  • Pencil
  • Yarn
  • Construction paper
  • Hole puncher
  • Elmer’s glue
  • Scotch tape
  • Binoculars (optional)

What You Do:

Tell your child that her mission is to find one object in nature for every letter of the alphabet. (For example, A=ant, B=bug, C=caterpillar, D=dandelion, etc.) Be sure that whatever your child finds can fit inside your plastic bag or, if it’s a living insect, into the glass jar (you should cover the jar with a piece of aluminum foil, and poke a few holes in the foil so that the creature can get air). It may be difficult for your child to find objects that correlate with every letter (“z” and “x” are particularly challenging), so help your child. If she doesn’t complete the entire alphabet, have no fear. Now you have an opportunity to introduce her to some new creatures, increasing her vocabulary. Talk with your child about some of the many things found in nature that start with difficult letters.

Spice this activity up by using binoculars to play “I Spy” by saying “I Spy, with my little eye, a caterpillar which starts with C!” This will help both your child’s science observation skills and her reading/phonics skills by pointing out the first letter of each object’s name.

When you get back home, create a book using one page for each letter of the alphabet. Use scotch tape or glue to attach each object to the middle of the construction paper page. If it’s a live insect, have your child draw an illustration of the animal on the page, or take a photograph and tape the image onto the page (after she is done with it, the insect should be released into the garden). Then use a pencil to write the object’s name and one sentence to describe it. This could be about the object’s color, size, shape, or where it lives.

Be sure to label the top of each page with a capital letter. (”A” on acorn page, etc.)

Arrange the pages in alphabetical order.

Use a hole puncher to place 3 holes down the left side of each page. Then use safety scissors to cut 3 pieces of yarn about 6 inches long each. Use the yarn to tie all of the pages together into one book. If your objects are too thick, you may need to create 2 books, one for letters A-K, another for letters L-Z.

Play an ABC Balloon Game

April 8, 2015

What You Need:

26 balloons (preferably red and white)
Black permanent marker
4 or more players (the more the better)

What You Do:

Inflate all 26 balloons (just air, no helium). You may want to get some help for this one!

Write one letter of the alphabet on each of the balloons with the marker and draw a cat face on some of the balloons.

Now, start the game! Have the kids form a circle. Toss balloon A into the circle, shouting “A” as you do. Have the players shout “A” back. The object of the game is to keep the balloon in the air and prevent it from touching the ground.

Let the kids toss balloon A around a bit, then add balloon B to the mix. Make sure you shout the letter name!

Continue adding the rest of the balloons, shouting out each letter as you do. It may get a little chaotic, but keep going—the more balloons, the better!

Once a balloon hits the ground, have everyone stop and recite the alphabet once, and then resume playing. Keep going until all the balloons are in play!

My Shadow

April 8, 2015

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest things about him is the way he likes to grow-
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.

He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close beside me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

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